The Nothing Within Read online

  The Nothing Within

  Andy Giesler

  Copyright © 2019 by Andrew Giesler

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This eBook has been provided to you without Digital Rights Management (DRM) protection. It is for your personal use only. You may not print this eBook, and you may not make it available to others, whether digitally or in print, except as part of an eBook sharing program offered by the publisher and the distributor (such as the Kindle and Nook sharing programs). You may only duplicate this eBook to read it on one of your own personal devices. Copyright infringement is against the law.

  978-1-7335676-4-0 (Paperback Edition)

  978-1-7335676-1-9 (Hardcover Edition)

  978-1-7335676-2-6 (eBook Edition - MOBI)

  978-1-7335676-3-3 (eBook Edition - EPUB)

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2019901406

  Some characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Front cover image by Jeff Smith Graphics

  Published by Humble Quill LLC, Madison, Wisconsin (humblequill.com)

  Visit TheNothingWithin.com

  Contents

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Morton and Aura Lee

  1. Morton and Aura Lee at the End of All Things

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. January 17, 2163

  When I Was Seven: Festival

  1. A Good-old Story

  2. Gathering

  3. Learning

  4. Little Weaver

  5. News from Market

  6. Festival

  7. Festival's End

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. January 19, 2163

  2. January 21, 2163

  3. January 22, 2163

  4. January 23, 2163

  5. January 25, 2163

  6. January 26, 2163

  7. January 27, 2163

  Shepherd Gabriel

  1. Shepherd Gabriel And the Chimera

  When I Was Ten: An Evening Stroll

  1. A Good-old Story

  2. About Death

  3. Mender Vernie

  4. The Wish to Wander

  5. An Evening Stroll

  6. An Evening Stroll Ended

  7. Woodsmith Abram

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. February 12, 2163

  2. February 16, 2163

  3. February 24, 2163

  4. February 25, 2163

  Shepherd Gabriel

  1. Shepherd Gabriel and the Humble Weaver

  When I Was Seventeen: Honeynock

  1. A Good-old Story

  2. Deborah

  3. About Honeynock

  4. The Easy Road

  5. Market

  6. Humble Weaver

  7. Honeynock

  8. Home

  9. What I Heard

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. March 18, 2163

  2. March 29, 2163

  3. April 21, 2163

  4. May 7, 2163

  5. May 27, 2163

  6. May 29, 2163

  Shepherd Gabriel

  1. Shepherd Gabriel and the Trip to Haven

  When I Was Twenty: My Wondrous Mistakes

  1. A Good-old Clapping Game

  2. Return to Market

  3. About Sight

  4. The Quiet Night

  5. My Wondrous Mistakes

  6. The Thing in the Dark

  7. Market

  8. How I Burned in the Pit

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Morton and Aura Lee

  1. Morton and Aura Lee and the First Chimera

  When I Was Twenty: Poison Gifts

  1. Midword

  2. A Good-old Story

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. June 15, 2163

  2. July 7, 2163

  3. July 21, 2163

  4. August 12, 2163

  5. September 6, 2163

  6. September 23, 2163

  7. October 16, 2163

  Shepherd Gabriel

  1. Shepherd Gabriel and the Unwelcome News

  When I Was Twenty: Beyond the Pit

  1. A Good-old Story

  2. Shepherd Gabriel and the Favorite Place

  3. Beyond the Pit

  4. Shepherd Gabriel and the Awful Plan

  5. A Flight in the Dark

  6. Turning Back

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. October 24, 2163

  2. October 28, 2163

  3. November 10, 2163

  4. December 2, 2163

  5. January 17, 2164

  6. January 21, 2164

  Shepherd Gabriel

  1. Shepherd Gabriel and the Curious Companion

  When I Was Twenty: My Family

  1. A Good-old Song

  2. The Hard Road

  3. Where I Came From

  4. An Unexpected Party

  5. My Family

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. February 7, 2164

  2. February 27, 2164

  3. March 14, 2164

  When I Was Twenty-Three: Outcast

  1. A Good-old Story

  2. The Long Road

  3. Outcast

  4. Eulee’s Wisdom

  5. Surecreek

  6. Taking Leave

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. June 27, 2164

  2. July 11, 2164

  3. July 24, 2164

  4. July 27, 2164

  5. August 3, 2164

  When I Was Twenty-Three: The Holy Place

  1. A True-old Story

  2. Comfort

  3. Together

  4. Apart

  5. The Truth I Saw

  6. The Holy Place

  7. How We Spoke

  8. The First Shepherd

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. August 4, 2164

  2. August 8, 2164

  3. August 26, 2164

  4. September 4, 2164

  5. September 21, 2164

  6. November 23, 2164

  When I Was Twenty-Three: The Shepherd's Gift

  1. A True-old Story

  2. The Tanner

  3. The Hidden Folk’s Secret

  4. The Shepherd’s Gift

  5. The Humble’s Comfort

  6. Finding Gabriel

  7. An Unfamiliar Festival

  8. The Shepherd's Dance

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. July 29, 2166

  2. January 14, 2167

  3. January 18, 2167

  4. April 3, 2167

  When I Was Twenty-Three: Grandmother's Voice

  1. A True-old Story

  2. Gabriel and the Wrathful Woodsmith

  3. The Road From Here

  4. Grandmother's Voice

  5. The Somber

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. June 13, 2185

  When I Was Twenty-Three: The Last Dance

  1. A Tr
ue-old Story

  2. Without

  3. The Last Dance

  4. The Road's End

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1. January 23, 2198

  Words from before the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Morton and Aura Lee

  1. Morton and Aura Lee at the Beginning

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Dedicated to my daughter and son, remembering our countless hours reading adventure stories at bedtime

  Prologue

  My name is Root.

  I was seventeen when I first heard the voice no one else could hear. I feared I might have the Nothing within me.

  But by the time my village burned me alive in the Pit? Well, gracious. By then, we were all pretty sure.

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Morton and Aura Lee

  1

  Morton and Aura Lee at the End of All Things

  January 27, 2163

  “No,” Lee said, leaning against the stone wall, her arms crossed.

  Morton sat on the edge of his desk. “This is our fault. You and me. We bought our own bullshit. All the safeties, all the controls. We were wrong.” He left that hanging. Almost a question.

  “True,” she agreed after a pause.

  “Your plan could go wrong. Mine could, too. Maybe everybody will die no matter what we choose. Everybody who’s still human, anyway.”

  “I hate it down here,” Lee said, looking toward the ceiling.

  “Building Haven was your idea.”

  “Fuck you.”

  Morton rolled his neck. Sighed. “Both our plans might leave every human being on the planet dead. The difference is, my plan’s safer. Forcing a cascade is our best chance.”

  “The difference is, a cascade murders the entire motherfucking human race,” she replied, her voice calm. “Dick.”

  “Not the entire…”

  “Oh yeah, sorry.” Lee stood straight. “It’s only mostly genocide. Anyway, we’re done. I listened like you wanted. We’re doing it my way. If you try your way, I can stop it. Shit, cabron. You so much as dream of a cascade, I’ll stop it.”

  Morton rubbed his eyes. “I know. That’s why you’re here.”

  “I was here.” She walked to the door. When it didn’t open, she palmed the override plate. She palmed it again, then tugged the manual latch.

  “You could stop it,” he said softly.

  Lee faced him, frowning. “Why the hell did my feeds just go dead?”

  “You could stop a cascade. That’s why we’re meeting down here. This room’s secure now. No signals in or out.” Morton nodded toward the ceiling. “We’ve spun up the shield around Haven. Livv used the chaos of the Collapse as cover. She hacked nearly every nanofactory in the Western Hemisphere and brought them here. Trillions. There wasn’t enough government left to understand what was happening or stop it.”

  “Morton,” she said.

  “After the cascade, we’ll send out the ‘factors to carve a canyon circling north-central Ohio. The cascade…” He paused. “The cascade hits in about four minutes.”

  He waited for her reaction. Any reaction. But she stood there, quiet, facing him. Impassive, her head a little to the side.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  He had the flickering impression of her in midair and then he was on his back, on the floor. It’s like that when someone has a military-grade naughtwork. Their naughts make them too fast. You can hardly see them coming.

  Lee straddled Morton’s chest, all four foot eleven of her, her face puckered in an unfamiliar grimace of rage. With her right hand, she cradled the back of his head almost tenderly, lifting it gently from the floor. Then, in the instant of peace that lay between, he realized: there wasn’t much mass behind her. She was anchoring herself with her own right arm. She was going to make this count.

  Then she was pounding him with her left.

  It was like getting hit with a bowling ball. The first blow fractured his jaw. A crash of agony smothered all thought until his naughtwork dialed down his pain receptors. He couldn’t tell whether the next crunch was her hand or his skull.

  But he didn’t mind. If he survived, his naughts would heal him.

  And if she killed him, he wouldn’t have to face what he’d just done.

  Words from the Reckoning, So Very Long Ago: Ruth Troyer’s Journal

  1

  January 17, 2163

  9 winter sparrows

  6 juncos

  4 chickadees

  4 nuthatches

  3 wrens

  2 cardinals

  Too many crows

  Please watch over us, just as you watch over these little ones.

  Sunny today, windy. Started above freezing then snapped much colder than expected.

  Monday, washing. Clothes froze on the line. Would have salted the rinse water if I’d known it would get so bitter cold. Hands are raw.

  Just observing. Not complaining.

  Eli worked late. Josiah, Hannah, and Atlee did Eli’s chores while Waneta minded the baby. Eli’s had three late nights in the last week. Can’t keep up with orders from Lehman’s. Even with the economy collapsing, there’s great demand for Amish craftsmen like him. He says the English who still have money or goods to barter are suddenly real interested in wood stoves and such, what with things being how they are out in the world. Don’t guess most of them have ever made a fire.

  Maybe Eli should include instructions on what a match is for.

  When I Was Seven: Festival

  1

  A Good-old Story

  The World That Is

  Children, this is the shape of the World That Is.

  The World That Is is a great circle. Within its circle we have troubles aplenty, but we have weavers to guide us and shepherds to protect us.

  Around the edge of the World That Is lies the Void. A void dug by the Wrathful Spirits so very long ago. A void as broad as a great village and filled with churning waters far below.

  And beyond the Void is the World That Was. We cannot go to the World That Was. We would not go even if we could. It is the endless village of Gebohra Muerta, who loves us more than she loves herself, and who would destroy us if she could.

  Children, this is the shape of the World That Is.

  2

  Gathering

  Before I start, I’d like to thank you good folks of Humblewash for your hospitality. You’ve warmed this old woman right to her toenails. I have kind recollections of this little village from so many visits through the long years, and you’ve added enough more recollections to last to the end of my days.

  Well.

  So.

  Would you like Old Root to tell you her story?

  Gracious. Sounds like you would. All right, then. Squirm into a comfortable spot. This’ll take a while.

  Now, the grown-ups here know this story, but it’ll be new to you young ones. I have only one rule for you little nubbins to follow: if you have a question, ask it. I mean it! Folks are so shy. You just yell, “Old Root!” and say what you wonder. It’s real important that you understand this story, because I’m telling it for a reason.